Not-so-Great Expectations - Thoughts on NYE

I like to go out.

If you know me (and if you're reading this, chances are that you know me pretty well), you will know that I go out pretty frequently.  Maybe a little too frequently for a man of my age, but that's another post entirely.  For our purposes here, it is important to establish that I do, in fact, go out, with friends, to bars, have drinks, and have a good time.

I just don't like to go out on New Year's Eve.

New Year's Eve kinda sucks.  And it does so on a number of different levels.

Level 1: Inexplicable Societal Pressure

I have no idea how this happened (any social anthropologists in the house?), but for some reason society dictates that you are supposed to go out and tear it up at the end of the calendar year.  However, this can't just be a run-of-the-mill, bomb drink and tequila-fueled drinking binge.  No, New Year's Eve (NYE) absolutely must achieve a level of fabulosity at least 2 notches above a normal night out.  This means that throughout the night, instead of having schlubby, drunk strangers spilling Miller Lite all over your T-shirt and jeans, you will instead have well-dressed strangers spilling Moet&Chandon all over the same suit and shoes that you need to wear to your next job interview.  At the stroke of midnight, you are also required to find someone with whom to share a toast of champagne, and a storybook kiss in order to properly ring in the hopes and optimism of a fresh 365.

I just don't get this.  I've never gotten this.  Even now, at a point in time where I have actually acquired a bit of a taste for fancy cocktails, own more than one suit, and am married to a lovely girl who I am 99.9999% sure will kiss me at midnight (risk of early pass-out notwithstanding), I still resent the idea that if I am not checking off every box on this unspoken checklist that I am not having a proper NYE.

Level 2: The Amateur Night Effect

NYE ranks right up there with Mardi Gras and St. Patrick's Day as the worst days of the year for rookie, or out-of-form boozehounds who can't pace themselves properly.  Hey, we've all been there, and I am perfectly willing to indulge, and even assist, one or two such lost souls on any other given evening.  But the sheer number of these poor, overwhelmed, thin-livered, shot-drainers on NYE introduces a powder keg element to the evening that can only end either in blood or vomit (and very often, both).

It's all the more tragic, because so many of these erstwhile NYE partiers approach the night with the expectation that it will be one of their big highlights of 2012, and instead simply winds up as yet another blackout story - this time with a more expensive purse to puke in.

Level 3: The Price Gouging

There is nothing worse than going to one of your regular spots on NYE - your favourite neighbourhood bistro, or your go-to sushi joint - and seeing that they have replaced their regular menu with an uninspired prix-fixe offering featuring a generic, chicken-based thing that the kitchen can crank out quickly, steaks that will invariably be overdone and served cold, and a trite, albeit proven, dessert that will do just enough to make you think you had an OK meal... until you get the check.

And then you will nod your head and think to yourself, "oh yeah, it's New Year's Eve... #@^%&!"

I understand this.  Supply and demand.  Because of the amateur night effect (see above), demand for tables is higher, supply is constant, ergo, prices go up.

Just because I understand it, doesn't mean I don't hate it.

Level 4: The Power of Self-Deception

Show of hands: How many of you go through this same process every year, remark on how much you dislike NYE, and yet, 364 days later, are somehow able to talk yourself into doing it all over again?

Come on, let's see them...

Be honest now...

...

Yeah... thought as much.

Gluten Free Livin' - Waffles Edition

9am on a weekend morning.  Early enough to be slightly conscious. Too early to be upright.

A poke in the ribs.

"Will you make waffles for breakfast?"

Well... ok.

Here's the mise-en-place:

1 Cup - Gluten-free flours (this particular example used 1/2 c. Buckwheat and 1/2 c. Millet flours)
3/4 Cup - Milk
1/2 Tsp - Baking Powder
1/4 Cup - Canola Oil
3 Eggs

The observant among you will note that this is very similar to the pancake batter described in a previous post.  It's not an accident - Waffles are basically just squared-off, crispier, toastier pancakes with dents in them for holding syrup.

Regarding the flours, feel free to experiment with different combinations.  I have had success with varying proportions of buckwheat, millet, rice and teff flours so far.  I'm not sure that I would recommend using only one flour, unless you're a really big fan of that flour's particular idiosyncracies.  I, for instance, am a big fan of buckwheat and can happily chow down on a 100% buckwheat waffle.  Others, however, may not share that sentiment.  Based upon feedback from Liz, I think that my best results for gluten free waffles have always come from batches that used at least two different flours.

Here's the drill, very similar to the pancake routine:

Step 1: Get Crackin'
Separate your eggs, and start pre-heating your waffle iron.  Liz and I have a sweet All-Clad Waffle Iron that we got as a wedding present that produces great results at a heat setting of 4 out of 7.

Step 2: Deal with the yolks
Yolks go into a bowl with the flour, milk and baking powder.  Mix them thoroughly.  Once they are well combined, stir in the canola oil.

Step 3: Whip It
Whip the whites until stiff peaks form.

Step 4: Combine
Fold the whites into the batter.  Don't try to get everything 100% uniform, you'll just wind up breaking down the air bubbles you're trying to introduce into the mixture.  Just get the egg whites incorporated to the point where there aren't big white chunks of foam floating around, and then stop.  Optionally, if you wanted to add berries, or chocolate chips, or other garnishments, this is where to do it.

Step 5: Prep your waffle iron
Having the canola oil in your batter greatly reduces the chances of sticking.  Our waffle iron works great without any oiling, but if your particular model does best with a spray of Pam or olive oil, by all means, do so.

Step 6: Make Waffles - Part I
Load the batter into your waffle iron.  Generally speaking, you should only need to fill the iron halfway or so - otherwise you are courting the risk of overflow upon closing the top.  Not the end of the world if it happens, just an annoying mess...

Step 7: Make Waffles - Part II
Pay close attention to the steam blasting out of the sides of your waffle iron.  When the steam output has decreased to a few thin, wispy strands, then your waffles are done.

If your waffle iron does not emit any steam, then go plug it in and start this step again.

Step 8: Eat Waffles

I am a bit of a waffle minimalist.  I don't like much besides maple syrup (and perhaps a piece of fried chicken) to touch my waffles.

Generally, my Canadian patriotism is going to have me leaning towards using syrup produced north of the 49th parallel.  But today, I'm going to name-check a great little Pennsylvania based maple syrup maker.

Langdon Wood makes a barrel-aged maple syrup that is aged in a used, rye whisky barrel to add an interesting little twist on the usual maple syrup experience.  It's incredibly delicious, and I highly recommend it!

If you prefer to trick out your waffles a little further, these waffles will hold up very well to whatever creams, fruits and compotes you may want to subject them to, so by all means, go crazy with it.  They're your waffles after all...

Tasting Notes:

Texture and mouth feel are always challenges with gluten free recipes.  As with the pancake recipe, the beaten egg whites really help with the texture, and keep the waffles from being too heavy.  The canola oil also helps the waffles toast up nice and crispy on the outside, and prevent the interior from getting too dry and crumbly.  I know you might be tempted to try to make a low-fat waffle by omitting the oil, but I really wouldn't recommend it...

Dear Republicans: The solution to your current problems is simple - It's Me

My old friend Brian Yang, while breaking down the results of this past week's election noted that:

The republicans as they are now, with American demographics as they are now, 

will never be elected into power again. They need a even more ethnic presidential 

candidate than Obama. I suggest the Asian Gilbert Godfrey himself, Brian Tham.

Up until this moment, I never would have thought of myself as casting my lot with the GOP, but the analysis makes perfect sense - In an environment where the GOP needs to appeal to diversity, who else is more diverse than me?

Check it:

- My mother was born in South Africa
- My father was born in India
- Previous generations of my family spent time in Mauritius and in China

And to cap it all off, I was born in Canada North America: Just the way republicans like it!  I mean, let's face it - I'm so multi-ethnic, I make Barack Obama look like Barry Manilow.

True, there is not a lot of Hispanic blood in there, but the party isn't going to want to be perceived as disingenuously pandering to the Hispanic masses.  An Asian-looking candidate is just brown enough to work here.  Besides, the demographics in Nevada and Virginia could definitely swing on the Asian vote in 2016 if current immigration patterns hold.

Having proven that I meet the diversity criteria, the next question is obviously whether or not I have the kind of platform that America will find electable.  Don't worry, I've got that covered too.  Here I present to you my platform for the Republican Party in 2016:

Tenet 1: No Mean Legislation

As President, I will pledge to veto all legislation that can be distilled down to just being mean.  For example: Gay marriage bans?  Fundamentally mean - Veto'd.  Restrictions on where Muslim communities can build mosques?  Fundamentally mean - Veto'd.  Americans are, by and large, nice people, and will understand, and support this position.

Tenet 2: No Government in the Boudoir

As a wise Canadian North American once put it: There is no place for Government in the bedrooms of the people.  That's right - My administration will be pro-choice and pro-whatever-your-consensual-kink is all the way.  True small-government conservatives will back this 100%.

Yeah, that guy...

Tenet 3: Trust Smart People on the Economy

The budget needs balancing, yes.  How should this be done?  Not by asking self-interested groups who are paid out from it, or who are elected on it.  That way lies only the status quo.  Fortunately, there is this thing called Math that is very useful for solving problems that involve numbers.  There are also very smart people out there who know how to use Math, and they are the ones who will be put to work on balancing the proverbial checkbook.  Will taxes go up?  Yup.  Will spending go down?  You betcha.  Can I give you details?  Of course not - I'm trying to be a politician here.

Tenet 4: Continue and Expand the Drone War

One thing that the US produces at a rate that no other country can match is Red Bull-fueled, high-twitch HALO players who would make awesome drone pilots.  In fact, as President, I would pursue the development by DARPA of humanoid drones that would be able to translate the video game front-end into actual frontline combat.  Having an army of FPS drones piloted by battalions of 14-year old boys high on caffeine at my disposal will have Iran and N Korea reversing their positions on their nuke programs faster than Mitt Romney at a -- oh, too soon?

The Cenrepiece of My Foreign Policy - No, really...

Tenet 5: Immigration is Useful

As a Canadian immigrant North American citizen who is remarkably well informed about how the US immigration system works, I can tell you that immigration reform is needed to simplify the immigration process.  You see, people don't come to the US illegally because they are criminals who are trying to evade the law.  People come to the US illegally because they can't figure out the damn forms!  Under my leadership, the GOP will be the party that makes immigration easier, not harder, and the brown-skinned masses will flock to our banner.


So there you have it Republican America - You have a problem; I am the solution.

I am the candidate you need, with the platform America wants!  Search your feelings.  You know it to be true.

See you at the Primaries

Watching The Wire: Part IV - On Spoilers (or lack thereof)

When coming to a show like The Wire so much later than everyone else, it's interesting to see what people tell you to look forward to.  I've had many conversations along the lines of:

"Oh, you're finally watching The Wire?!? How far have you gotten?"

"Just finished Season 1."

"OMG - Season (3/4/5) is the best.  That's the season where - oh, but I don't want to spoil it for you.  You totally need to let me know when you get there so we can talk about it..."

Oddly, nobody (seriously, nobody) ever mentions Season 2 as being worth spoiling.  It's like the red-headed stepchild of Wire seasons.

And so, devoid of both spoilers and heightened expectations, I was able to begin Season 2 blissfully ignorant of whatever it entails.

And what the early part of Season 2 seems to entail is a playground style pissing contest between Major Valchek and Frank Sobotka.  I was not expecting that.  I also find it incredibly entertaining that the driving force behind this season's major case is going to be a petty, personal dispute over a stained glass window in a church.

It seems totally contrived, and yet, looking at the recent political stories coming out of DC these days, it is at the same time, totally realistic...

A Drink With The Hell's Angels

It’s the smell that hits me first, right as I crack the interior door.  That rare mix of hairspray, spilled drinks and body glitter that one can’t find anywhere else.  Then the music.  Some kind of kinetic, driving beat.  Metal.  Hip-hop.  Some Eurotrash rave track.  Don’t remember.  Doesn’t matter.  Finally the blacklight hits my retinas.  Decorative, glowing wall fixtures.  Overwhitened teeth sitting on the corner.  Stains on the carpet.
 

I see my two new friends waving to me from a table near the central stage.  I walk over to them, replaying in my head, the crazy, and random way I ended up here.

I was on my way home. 

The Olympics At Home: Watching The Games When They Are Hosted By Your Own Country

Watching the Winter Olympics in 2010 when they were held in Vancouver/Whistler opened my eyes to how different the Olympics are when they are hosted by your home country.  All of sudden, random, esoteric things matter much more to you than you ever thought possible.  You find yourself thinking such things as: Why the hell are we not better at biathlon?  and We need to improve our development programs for ski jumping - no reason for us not to be medalling there...

So now, one olympic cycle removed from my own experience, it's interesting to see how the Brits are handling their turn in the sporting spotlight.

Canada and Great Britain share several things in common when looked at through an Olympic lens.  Neither country is regarded as an Olympic powerhouse the way the US, or Australia or China are.  Both countries have some fractious aspects to their Federalist athletic teams (Franco/Anglo for Canada, English/Welsh/Scot/NIrish for GB).  And both countries struggle at times with how to display patriotic fervour without descending into something undignified (ie, too American-looking).

When your home country is hosting the Olympics, one of the first things you do, is start stressing about when you are going to win your first gold medal.  As the only country to have hosted the olympics and not won a gold medal (we actually turned the trick twice - once in the summer ('76) and once in the winter ('88)), that was a legitimate source of stress for us until Alexandre Bilodeau came through on the second day of the proceedings at Whistler.  For Team GB, their wait stretched out until the fifth day of competition when their rowing team finally got the party started.

As a fan, once you have that proverbial monkey off your back, you start to get greedy, scanning the schedule for other events that could give you an opportunity to wave your flag, and sing your anthem.  And among those events, you start to rank them.  Perhaps sub-consciously at first, but eventually, you find that there is one gold medal that you want more than the others.  One that you might even be willing to trade every other medal for if it meant you could guarantee winning it.

For me, and for most Canadians, that medal was the Men's Ice Hockey Gold, which we won, in the most epic possible manner, after giving just about everyone in the damn country a coronary.

Today, watching the Men's Tennis Final, I have to believe that Andy Murray's Gold Medal must have been the equivalent for a lot of people in the UK.  And to do it on Center Court, at Wimbledon, against Roger Federer, 28 days after losing to him in the Wimbledon Final, was so ridiculously Hollywood, that I almost couldn't believe what I was seeing.  Even the BBC announcers seemed taken aback - As the third set looked to be lining up for a Murray victory, the commentator team forgot they were journalists, and started doing things that fans do:

Commentator Quote: "I mean, this is just... Well, maybe it's best not to say anything..."

Translation: I don't want to jinx him.  You know, because I'm obviously influencing the match from here, and now that I think about it, Andy hasn't lost a game since the last time I touched my left ear, so I have to remember not to touch my right ear until he loses one...

Commentator Quote: "He could make it easier by just winning the next two points here.  To be serving for the Gold Medal in the next game - Well, you just know there would be some jitters"

Translation: For the love of God, Andy, just win it now.  I can't handle watching this, and if Roger breaks you in the next game and starts to get some momentum going, and if it starts raining and they have to close the roof, and Roger's record with the roof closed - urk! <has heart attack> /dies

That was pretty hilarious to watch / listen to.

I'm happy to see Team GB putting together a solid Olympics performance on home turf.  And while I'm sure there will be plenty of medals for them to choose from, Murray's will be a tough one to top.

CSA Challenge: Fennel!

Fennel is one of those vegetables that I like to refer to as a "CSA Special."  You're never (or rarely) going to buy it of your own accord, even though you really enjoy eating it when it shows up on your plate at a restaurant.  So, when it shows up in your CSA, your thought process goes something like this:

"Sweet!  We got fennel this week!"

"..."

"Aw, crap - I have no idea what to do with fennel..."

The first time you see it, you probably take the easy way out: You slice it real thin with a really sharp knife, and use it to garnish salads.  Delicious!  But let's be honest here - any chump can wield a knife.  There's so much more potential in that weird-looking, fluffy-topped bulb... isn't there?

Of course there is!  Fennel is a classic match with seafood, and since Liz had a pasta craving this week, I figured we could adapt a recipe for Linguini with Clams and Fennel to be gluten-free!  So here we go:

Adventures in Charcuterie - Episode II: Makin' Bacon

Bacon is one of the world's truly perfect foods.  So versatile, it can be eaten as a part of any meal.  So universal, some version of it is featured in every culture that has figured out how to grow pigs.  So delicious, there are entire religions built around not eating it.  It's also gluten-free, so Liz can eat it too!

It should go without saying that having tried my hand at making sausage, that making bacon would be the next logical maneuver.

Happy Birthday Blade Runner

Full disclosure: I didn't see Blade Runner in the theatre.  Now, 30 years after its release, I would wager that there are a number of people who will claim to have seen it opening night - to have been in on the ground floor of what is surely a seminal piece of American cinema - and yet were not.

The truth is that very few people got in on that ground floor.  Blade Runner grossed $6 million on its opening weekend, and only $33 million overall in its theatrical release.

Everyone whiffed on it.  Hey, I was barely out of kindergarten at the time - what's your excuse?

Really though, the fact that we all missed it on a first pass is part of what makes the Blade Runner phenomenon so compelling.  It was never an obvious blockbuster, never a mainstream draw, never an accessible film.

You had to find Blade Runner.

I found Blade Runner sitting on the couch beside my Dad, having almost no clue as to what I was watching, but knowing that I was watching something awesome.  Rick Deckard sidling up to a dingy noodle bar on an LA street.  The flying police car he got around in.  The "retirement" of Zhora.  The ridiculous (and somewhat hilarious) beatdown he receives from Leon.  The love-hate thing with Rachel.  All those scenes made an immediate impression, but it was that final sequence - with Roy Batty poised on the brink of vengeance - that really got me.

As Deckard's mangled hands lost their grip on the rooftop ledge, I figured he was going to die.  After all, Empire Strikes Back had, only a few years before, taught me not to expect a happy ending all the time.  But when Roy improbably saved Deckard's life, only to die himself a few moments later, I found myself... confused.  I didn't quite understand what I'd just seen.

I had to think about it.

And that is what has allowed Blade Runner to endure for three decades.  It gives you so much to think about.

I'll spare you my analysis of the Theatrical Cut / Director's Cut / Final Cut debate.  That's been well covered elsewhere by people who know a lot more about movies than I do.  Everyone has their favourite version, and there's no wrong answer.  If you haven't seen any of them, and don't have time to screen all three though, I would recommend the Director's Cut.

Watch it.  And then think about it.

Oot and Aboot in DC: A near miss at Sakuramen

There are few things I enjoy more than noodles in soup.  It is pure comfort food for me.  Chicken Noodle, Wonton Noodle, Pho, Taiwanese Beef Noodle... you name it - if it's a noodle, and it's served in soup, I will love it.  So naturally, I had to get down to Sakuramen sooner or later to try out their take on Japan's version of my favourite dish.


Situated right in the middle of the Adams Morgan strip, Sakuramen has some prime real estate, although I'd imagine that the ambiance on a Friday or Saturday night might be less than stellar.  Liz and I went this past Sunday however, which was pretty much perfect.

The staff were super-friendly as we got seated, and noticing the sharp decor and the delicious smell of the place, my expectations started to rise considerably.

I ordered a plate of pork buns to start, with the "Sakuramen" as my main.

Liz inquired about the availability of rice noodles, but as they didn't have any, she opted for the spicy ramen broth with pork belly, sans noodles.

Just add acid

Ever since David Chang blazed the post-modern pork bun trail at Momofuku, many asian eateries have put forth their own versions of the delicious Chinese classic.  And yet, I often find the exact same mistake being made by many of these places: no balance.  The essence of the classical Char Siu Bao is the combination of salty and sweet you get with the pork.  Too many places stop at just salty, and Sakuramen falls into that trap, with only a garnish of green onion to provide any kind of counterpoint to the pork, resulting in a final product that is crying out for some acid, or sweetness.  I really think that the pickled radish and carrot combo that one gets on a Banh Mi would be ideal here and would result in a fantastic pork bun.

Delicious, delicious noodles...

The ramen is similarly unbalanced.  The noodles, I will say, were pretty much perfect.  Toothsome and delicious, it was so close to an awesome bowl of ramen.  Unfortunately, the broth and toppings couldn't quite pull it together.


Now don't get me wrong - I totally understand that ramen is supposed to be salty, believe me.  But at its highest level, ramen should be salty + something else.  Say salty + rich from the yolk of a soft-boiled egg, or salty + spicy from a shot of sriracha, or salty + sour from a garnish of pickled vegetables.  And Sakuramen had the right idea, topping my noodles with big slices of mushrooms, menma (fermented bamboo shoots), and corn, but the underlying saltiness of the broth, combined with too many green onions atop the noodles overwhelmed the rest of the flavours that were trying desperately to elbow their way into contact with my tastebuds.  Liz found a similar issue with her broth, although the spiciness of hers provided a little more depth.


All in all, it was an OK meal that was just a few tweaks away from being really excellent.  Hopefully they'll have those tweaks squared away next time I get the craving for more ramen...


Gluten-Free Notes: 


Sakuramen isn't a great spot if you need to be gluten-free.  Liz enjoyed the soup with pork-belly, but felt that the pork may have been marinated in soy sauce as she felt a little bit of Gluten Haze hitting her as we left.  If you really need to be gluten-free, you're probably better off going out for Pho instead...

The Triple Crown Will Never Be Won Ever Again

I've watched a lot of horse racing over the years.  A lot.  That's what happens when you grow up in a family of compulsive gamblers an hour drive from three different horse tracks (well, more than that, but I don't count the trotters - thoroughbreds only).

I'll save my reminiscences about track life (and there are many) for future posts.  The issue at hand is the impending flurry (horse racing doesn't merit a deluge any more) of media coverage touting the possibility of horse racing's first Triple Crown winner since Affirmed turned the trick in 1978.

No need to read any of those articles; I will save you the trouble:

It's not gonna happen

The Triple Crown will never be won again in its current form.  And it's The Belmont's fault.

If you've at least casually followed horse racing in the past, you'll probably have noticed the following pattern:

• Nobody has any clue who will win the Derby
• The horses that run well in the Derby are always right up there at the Preakness.  Maybe the Derby winner pulls it out and sets up a possible Triple Crown
• Someone else always wins The Belmont.  Always.  (well, at least since 1978)

Here's why:

1. The Schedule:
   The Triple Crown is 3 races in a little over a month.  That is incredibly demanding on the horses, who at just three years old, often haven't run much more than a half dozen or so races in their lives.  Triple Crown hopeful I'll Have Another will be running his 8th race ever at the Belmont, meaning that nearly half of his races have been run since the first Saturday in May.  He's had to run the race of his life twice so far.  Does he really have a 3rd race in him?
   
2. The Distance:
   Ever wonder why so-called experts have so much trouble picking the Kentucky Derby winner every year?  It's the distance.  As two-year olds, most horses rarely run much more than 1 mile.  Early in their three-year old season, they'll usually run at 1 1/16, or maybe 1 1/8 miles.  At 1 1/4 miles, The Derby is the longest race those horses have ever run - until The Belmont.  The Belmont is 1 1/2 miles long.  It is the first, and in most cases, the ONLY time in their lives that these horses will be asked to run that extra 1/4 mile.  And that makes a huge difference.  But maybe not as much of a difference as...
    
3. The Professional Spoilers:
   Because of The Belmont's unique distance, the training, and strategy for that race has evolved to where it is now completely different from that for the other two Triple Crown Jewels.  As a result, there has also evolved a subset of horse owners and trainers who will take a two-year old with perceived long-distance qualities, and train it specifically for The Belmont.  These horses will not even be entered into The Derby or The Preakness - They are dedicated Belmont horses.  Does it work?  Hell yeah.  Since 1978, of the 34 Belmont winners, 22 of them have skipped at least one of the previous two Triple Crown races.  Dedicated training, plus lighter race schedule, equals Belmont advantage.

So why stack the deck?

Tradition.  That is the only reason to keep things as they are.  The schedule and distance are sacred cows, but the racing bodies should be able to do something about the Professional Spoilers.  Back in the old days, everybody used to run in all three races, but now, with stables picking their spots, the task of winning all three races has become sisyphean.  And a Triple Crown that is unwinnable is bad for the sport.

And horse racing so badly wants, and needs a Triple Crown winner.  Year by year, horse racing drops further out of the public eye, and the horse racing demographic gets older, and less numerous.  It needs a Triple Crown winner like Greece needs a bailout.  But it won't get one.  Not like this.

So who do I see winning The Belmont this year?

Well, let's start from the outside post and work our way in:

PP12: My Adonis
Skipped both The Derby and The Preakness (check)
Has not won a race this year
Had his worst finish in his longest race (1 1/8 miles)
Prognosis: No chance

PP11: I'll Have Another
Won both The Derby and The Preakness
Prognosis: No chance, but may have just enough in him to fool you as he hits the home stretch, makes a valiant, glorious push, and ultimately fails.

PP10: Optimizer
Finished 11th at The Derby.  6th at The Preakness
Has not won a race this year
Prognosis: No chance

PP9: Paynter
Skipped both The Derby and The Preakness (check)
In 4 races this year, has 2 wins and 1 place (that means "came in 2nd")
Longest win this year: 1 1/16 miles
Prognosis: Intriguing, but Paynter likes to run from the front, and The Belmont is not kind to front-runners.  At 8-1, there's some value to be had there, but I have my doubts

PP8: Guyana Star Dweej
Skipped both The Derby and The Preakness (check)
In 3 races this year has 1 win and 2 places
Has not run more than 1 mile - EVER
Prognosis: Hard to read given he has no experience at over a mile, but he has the right running style, has a great pedigree (that actually does matter) and has been hanging out at the Belmont track since April (he ran his most recent race there).  At 50-1, he is absolutely worth a flier - plus, he has the best name in the field.

PP7: Five Sixteen
Skipped both The Derby and The Preakness (check)
In 3 races this year has 1 win and 1 show (that means "came in 3rd")
Longest win this year: 1 1/8 miles
Prognosis: Likes to run with the leaders, which is a Belmont no-no.  50-1 longshot for a proper reason.  No chance.

PP6: Ravelo's Boy
Skipped both The Derby and The Preakness (check)
Has not won a race this year
Has not run more than 1 1/16 miles
Prognosis: No chance

PP5: Dullahan
3rd in The Derby.  Skipped The Preakness (check)
In 3 races this year has 1 win, 1 place, 1show
Longest win this year: 1 1/8 miles
Prognosis: A solid contender.  Proved at The Derby he can run with the big boys (was closing at the end and very nearly took 2nd), and is better rested than I'll Have Another.  Public has bet him down to 5-1, and he's still good value at those odds.

PP4: Atigun
Skipped both The Derby and The Preakness (check)
In 3 races this year has 1 win (1 1/16 miles)
Prognosis: His 1 win was in a race against marginal competition. Has not looked great against better horses.  30-1 and should probably be longer.  No chance

PP3: Union Rags
7th at The Derby.  Skipped The Preakness (check)
In 3 races this year has 1 win and 1 show
Longest win this year: 1 1/16 miles
Prognosis: Ran well down the stretch at The Derby coming from 13th up to 7th.  The public likes him at 6-1, but in his one win, he was up near the front the whole race, and I don't know if he is up for negotiating traffic at this inside post.

PP2: Unstoppable U
Skipped both The Derby and The Preakness (check)
In 2 races this year, has 2 wins
Longest win this year: 1 Mile
Prognosis: His other win was 6 Furlongs (3/4 miles), and he won both races going wire-to-wire. That's not how you run The Belmont.  No chance.

PP1: Street Life
Skipped both The Derby and The Preakness (check)
In 3 races this year, has 1 win, 1 show
Longest win this year: 1 1/16 miles
Prognosis: Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2012 Belmont winner!  Perfect running style for The Belmont.  Likes to sit in dead last and then make a move late.  In the two races he didn't win, he started his move too late and ran out of track.  His last race was at Belmont and he looked great (for video of that race click here), coming from way off the pace to finish 3rd and still closing at the final pole.  He'll have plenty to work with here as long as he doesn't fall too far behind in the early going.  Sitting at 12-1 he is awesome value. 

So, your next question is probably "How do I bet this?"

Glad you asked.

I obviously love Street Life, and think that Dullahan looks solid too.  I'll Have Another is totally set up for a heartbreaking 2nd place finish, so you need to have him on your ticket for that.  Leaving you with:

$2 Exacta Box: Street Life + Dullahan + I'll Have Another
That will set you back $12

For your longshot, put $2 on Win, Place and Show for Guyana Star Dweej
That will set you back $6

Enjoy the race!

Gluten Free Livin' - The Best Gluten-Free Beer In The World: Celia by Zatec

Ever since Liz's celiac diagnosis, we have made it a point to try every gluten-free beer we come across.  This has led to several misadventures involving well-intended, but poorly-executed "beers" that, while gluten-free, are clearly not beers.

Yeah, it's kinda like that

The fact of the matter is: Beer is made of barley.  And without barley, it is very difficult to make beer.

Oot and Aboot in DC: Rogue Sessions With Jen Caroll

This past Saturday, Liz and I splurged on a dinner reservation at Rogue24, enticed by the Jen Carroll edition of the Rogue Sessions concept that has been getting a lot of presumably well-deserved hype around DC the past several weeks.

Adventures in Charcuterie - Episode 1: This is how sausage is made

Every culture in human history that has achieved any kind of success has figured out a way to make some variation on tubular meat.  Much like humanity's eternal need to get a buzz (a post for another time), the need for delicious, preservable, and portable meat preparations is universal.

Having grown up eating a variety of different European and Asian sausages, I was very excited to receive Michael Ruhlman's Charcuterie cookbook for Christmas.

And so, after doing some reading and ordering some materials online, I set to work at making my first ever batch of sausage.

Mise-en-Place:

5 lbs  Pork Shoulder / pork butt / picnic ham / etc (this cut of pig has a lot of names)
3 tbsp Salt
1 tbsp Pepper
3 tbsp Chopped Garlic
1 cup Red Wine (ice cold)
Casings, rinsed, and soaked (optional)

Butchery:



You don't want the pork skin in your sausage, so trim that off.  It should go without saying to make sure you use a very sharp knife, but I'm saying it anyways.  Dull knives are dangerous!

Dice the pork.  I went with about a 1-inch dice, and to be honest, I should have gone smaller, as the bigger pieces required more effort to get through the grinder.

Season the pork with the salt, pepper and garlic.  It's easiest to just use your hands to mix all the ingredients and get everything uniform.

SUPER IMPORTANT: Chill everything in the freezer for 30-60 minutes.  Also, put all the pieces of your grinder in the freezer too.  The grinding process will generate a fair bit of heat, and if your meat heats up too much, the fat will melt, thereby killing your sausage's texture.  Warmer temperatures are also more conducive to microbial growth, and bacteria growing in your sausage is bad.

Grinding:

Grind your meat through the coarse die, into a bowl set into ice (again, temperature control is tres important).




This is a visceral process, so be prepared for that if you've never done it before.  I used the grinder attachment for our KitchenAid Mixer, and it worked pretty well, although there was a fair bit of what sausage geeks call "smear" going on, which isn't ideal.

Nonetheless, I managed to get everything ground without too much hassle.  I did have to stop and clear the grinder once during the process, which was every bit as gross as you'd think it would be.

Mixing:

Add the cold wine to the ground meat and mix to combine.  I used the paddle attachment on our KitchenAid for about a minute or so.

Chill and Test:

Pull a sample (2 tbsp or so) of the sausage mixture and put the rest into the freezer to chill while you do some quality control.


Saute your sample in a pan with a little bit of oil and taste it.

My sample tasted salty as all hell - you know, if hell were a salt flat that you were trying to eat.  In retrospect, I should have reduced the amount of salt to account for the amount of pork lost when I removed the skin at the start of the prep.  Ah well, not much to do about it at this point except press on to:

Stuffing:

Not strictly necessary.  It's totally fine to shape the sausage into patties at this point and call it a day, but I wanted to try our sausage stuffer attachment too, so away we went.

I bought pretubed, natural hog casings from thesausagemaker.com and soaked them overnight to make sure they'd be ready to go.

As with grinding, I made sure to chill all the stuffer parts in the freezer prior to use.

The stuffing process takes some getting used to, and my inner 12-year old kept wanting to make terrible, and juvenile comments the whole time.  I had some difficulty gauging how full to stuff the casings, and wound up splitting the casing at one point when I overstuffed one section, and also wound up with a few sections that were woefully understuffed.  But after a little while, I sorta got the hang of it, and after twisting the stuffed coil into links, wound up with this:



Not a bad-looking result for a first time, I figure.  Total yield was about 18 six-inch links.

Cooking and Tasting:

As noted earlier, this first batch was a fair bit on the salty side.  In an attempt to off-set that in the cooking process the first time I went to cook some of these, I did two things:

1. I blanched the sausages for a couple of minutes in simmering water to draw out some of the excess salt.
2. I sauteed the blanched sausages together with onions, peppers and mushrooms that had not been seasoned with any salt, allowing the salt from the sausage to do the seasoning for me.

That approach worked pretty well, and Liz and I enjoyed a couple of dinners the following week using this formula.

Other things we're looking forward to trying with this sausage include pasta sauce, and cassoulet, which also seem like good applications that can off-set a salty sausage.

A Few Other Notes:

There is a lot of garlic in this sausage.  Make sure you have a fresh box of baking soda in your fridge and in your freezer so that you don't wind up flavouring your entire food supply with garlic.  Not that it's necessarily a bad thing in all cases, but chilling a beverage with garlic-infused ice cubes probably isn't what you're looking for...

Watching The Wire Part III: End Season One

I've been slacking on keeping up with my Wire-watching thoughts and impressions, but suffice to say that Season One is in the books, and I am really looking forward to watching Season Two.

I can tell that one of the tactics that David Simon seems to enjoy is getting you to like a character, and then having bad things happen to that character.  He's a bit of a bastard that way, to be honest, although he at least gives you the courtesy of telegraphing it ahead of time so that you can prepare yourself.

Case in point - did any of you not see Wallace's death coming a mile away?  That was an upsetting one for me - I liked that kid...  You also had to know that the newly-promoted Stinkum was going to get it before long too.  No shocker there.

Kima getting shot though... that one surprised me.  That whole sequence where her undercover situation just keeps getting worse and worse (music's too loud to hear anything, street signs are spun around, no backup) is really well done, and yet, despite all signals to the contrary, I still found myself thinking "well, she's got a gun taped under the seat, she'll be ok... I mean there's no way that they would - OMG SHE GOT SHOT!!!"

All those years in which I wasn't watching The Wire, many of you kept telling me how awesome it was, but couldn't really articulate why.  After noting my own reactions to Wallace getting killed and Kima getting shot, I understand now.  These are all obviously fictional characters, and yet the show is so well assembled that they all feel astonishingly real. 

Except for Omar - nobody's that bad@$$ in real-life...

Gluten Free Livin' - Buckwheat Pancakes

About 3 and a half years ago, after a long, and arduous diagnostic process, Liz found out that she was gluten-intolerant / celiac / whatever other term you want.  After an initial process of "ZOMG!!! NO PIZZA!!! NO BEER!!! WTFBBQ!!!" we went about eliminating gluten from her lifestyle (which coincidentally meant eliminating gluten from many aspects of my lifestyle too).  It's kinda like how Samuel L Jackson puts it in Pulp Fiction:

 "My wife is a vegetarian, which pretty much makes me a vegetarian." (just sub "gluten free" for vegetarian)

But after doing some research, we found that being Gluten-Free wasn't nearly as onerous as we thought it might be.  There are certainly compromises that need to be made, but by and large, Liz has made the transition pretty well.

A big part of going gluten-free involves finding ways to keep your carby comfort foods in the rotation in a gluten-free form.  And when it comes to breakfast, that means Gluten-Free Pancakes!

Here's the mise-en-place:

1 Cup - Buckwheat flour
1/2 Cup - Milk (plus a little extra as required)
1/2 Tsp - Baking Powder
3 Eggs

Buckwheat flour has no gluten in it, and has a great flavour to it.  It's classically used in a number of French crepe recipes (usually from Brittany), but the goal here is not for a thin, rolled-up crepe - We're going for a thick, fluffy pancake, something that can be difficult to achieve without a gluteny flour. 

The Key to a thick, fluffy, gluten-free pancake, as it turns out, is something that I pulled from a Jamie Oliver episode many years ago: Separate your eggs, and whip the whites.  Here's the drill:

Step 1:
Separate your eggs.

Step 2: Deal with the yolks
Yolks go into a bowl with the flour, milk and baking powder.  Mix them thoroughly.  You can add as much as another 1/4 cup of milk if your batter is thicker than you like it.  Any more than that, and you're getting into crepe batter territory

Step 3: Whip It
Whip the whites until stiff peaks form.  What the hell does "stiff peaks" mean?  Good question.  Here's a picture:

Stiff Peaks - Got it?  Good.

Step 4: Combine
Fold the whites into the batter.  Don't try to get everything 100% uniform, you'll just wind up breaking down the air bubbles you're trying to introduce into the mixture.  Just get the egg whites incorporated to the point where there aren't big white chunks of foam floating around, and then stop.

Photo courtesy of Liz - And yes, I always wear a Metallica T-shirt when I make rockin' food

Step 5: Prep your pan
Put a skillet on medium or medium-low heat depending on how nuclear your stove is.  Melt a tablespoon or two of butter and WAIT for the butter to melt and get hot.  The #1 reason (Number ONE) for subpar pancakes at this stage is a pan that isn't hot enough.  Test your pan by making a miniature pancake, about the size of a quarter.  If you don't hear an immediate sizzle, then your pan is not hot enough.

Step 6: Make Pancakes - Part I
Spoon dollops of batter onto your pan.  If you've done it right, the batter should stand up a bit on its own, and you may need to shake your pan to get the pancakes to flatten out. 

Step 6a: Garnishment
Optionally, if you wanted to add berries, or banana slices, or chocolate chips, this is where to do it.  Just press your chosen accoutrement into the top of each pancake as it's cooking.

Step 7: Make Pancakes - Part II
When you see bubbles come up to the top surface of the pancakes, it's almost time to flip.  When you see the bubbles around the edges pop and they don't close back over, it's time to flip your pancakes.  Again, if you got your egg whites nice and stiff, you may need to pat your pancakes down with a spatula to flatten them out properly.  They should only need a minute or two to get brown on the flipped side before they are ready.

Step 8: Eat Pancakes

You'll note that the buckwheat flour yields a darker colour than conventional pancakes.  That is totally normal.  You may also have some contrasting bits of egg white on the interior of some of your pancakes.  That is also normal.  If you stirred the mixture enough to get the egg whites 100% uniformly distributed, you would lose a lot of the fluffiness.

Tasting Notes:

Going with 100% buckwheat flour does result in some inherent differences with respect to taste and feel.  I have seen buckwheat flour described as tasting nutty, earthy, grassy... I don't think earthy is accurate (mushrooms are earthy - buckwheat not so much), but somewhere between nutty and grassy sounds about right.  I like it a lot, but it is distinct, and quite different in flavour than wheat flour pancakes.  The important thing is that it goes great with Maple Syrup!

Texturally, buckwheat flour is pretty much always sold as a whole-grain flour.  That means it is high in fibre and very good for you.  It also means that it is going to be less luxurious from a mouth feel standpoint than refined wheat flour.

I'm sure that I can improve on this recipe by subbing in some chickpea, rice or tapioca flour to lend a little more smoothness to the mouth feel, but by and large, these pancakes are delicious as they are, and simple to prepare.  That egg white trick works great with regular pancakes too, btw.

Jeremy Lin, AZN solidarity, and Learning to cheer for a team from NY

Eight years ago, William Hung went on American Idol, and single-handedly set the cause of the Asian dude back 10 years.

Eight days ago, Jeremy Lin became the starting point guard for the New York Knicks and got those 10 years back, and then some.

It's a bit of a funny thing being a North American of Asian descent.  The stereotypes that precede you are ubiquitous, often unflattering, but by-and-large tolerated for reasons that I will leave a sociologist to cover.  It's no big thing though, and no Asian person I know would ever acknowledge those stereotypes as representing any kind of real adversity - just a social annoyance for which you learn a compendium of sharp retorts to use when necessary at an early age.  Reality is too nuanced to get caught up in uncreative rhetorical exchanges with morons, right?  Right.  Society has moved on, and is all post-racial now, right?  Right.  After all, Asians are a prosperous demographic, and model minority, right? Right.

So... why is it that every North American of Asian descent has jumped on the Jeremy Lin bandwagon with the kind of zeal usually reserved for... well, no-one?

The kind of Asian-Solidarity that has emerged in the wake of #Linsanity is fascinating to me, precisely because it's the kind of thing that I thought I should be immune to.  I identify more as being Canadian than as being Asian.  I'm a hockey guy, and Paul Kariya broke through as a sports star of Asian descent long ago.  I dislike NBA basketball.  I hate every New York sports team.

And yet, I am 100% down with #Linsanity.

This past weekend, I was out in San Diego for a friend's wedding.  At the reception, I happened to be seated at a table with two other North Americans of Asian descent.  As often happens when dudes are first introduced and playing the small-talk game, the conversation soon drifted sports-ward.  I can't remember which one of us first broached the subject, but at some point the question "did you watch the Knicks/Lakers game last night?" was asked, and instantly the bonds of AZN brotherhood were formed.  We couldn't help ourselves.  None of us were Knicks fans.  If you had asked us the previous week, I doubt that we could have named more than 3 players on the Knicks between the 3 of us.  And yet, there we were, raving about Jeremy Lin's 38 point demolition of the Lakers as if we were stereotypical Asian parents talking about a son who had gotten into Harvard.

I would have been disgusted with myself if I hadn't been so happy about it.

How did I get here?  Where did this compulsion to throw my unquestioning support behind an obscure benchwarmer solely because he is Asian come from (and make no mistake, I would not have spared this story 10 minutes of attention if Jeremy Lin had been, say... Maltese)?

I'm not going to try to speak in generalities here.  All I can give you is my own assessment of myself - and here's what it comes down to for me: I am a huge Jeremy Lin fan, because he has given the public's concept of "The Asian Dude" just enough of a jolt to question the old stereotypes, and to have people looking for new ones.

Yes, Jeremy Lin went to Harvard.  Yes, Jeremy Lin has supportive (but undoubtedly demanding) parents.  Yes, Jeremy Lin has a brother who is a dentist who let him sleep on his couch.  Yes, Jeremy Lin is a nice guy, and a hard worker.  All a standard part of the standard Asian dude package.

But being able to throw out a ridiculous spin move on Derek Fisher is not a part of that package.  Going shot for shot with Kobe Bryant in the 4th quarter is not a part of that package.  Blowing by John Wall and throwing down a one handed dunk is most assuredly not a part of that package.

When I look at my Twitter feed, and see it blowing up with puns and nicknames and barely-understandable ebonics phrases that border on being a little on the racist side, I love it, because all of a sudden, the old stereotypes don't apply the way they used to.  The Twitterverse has had to get a little bit creative with incorporating racial elements to their Asian dude humour.  Some attempts have been less successful than others (that means you, Jason Whitlock), but by and large, I'm kind of enjoying it.  I mean, let's be honest here, "Yellow Mamba" has a pretty bad@$$ ring to it, doesn't it?  And when I see myriad African-American commentators use the phrase "my yellow n*gga", I gotta be honest - it feels kinda validating in a Dave-Chappelle-Skit kind of way.

It just feels refreshingly different.  And a million miles away from American Idol.